Children should be raised with a clear understanding of their bodies, how bodies work, how to take care of them, and how all bodies are unique and special and must be treated well.

Why is it that we name every body part by its actual name except our genitals? Have you ever heard a nickname for knees? Or armpits? Similarly to how we spend countless mornings teaching our children how to brush their teeth and hair, and why good oral health isimportant. We must also teach children how to clean their genitals, what they’re for, how they will change over time, and how to protect them. These conversations go a long way in helping a child become self-reliant in regards to health and hygiene, and help establish self-esteem. 

Your body is normal and beautiful and functional. It is yours and only yours. It works like this and will change like that. This is how to take care of it.

I am sharing here a small age appropriate guide to help all my readers, parents and caregivers to help this upcoming curious generation which already has a vast exposure to unguided information

Toddlers and young children(2-5 years)

• The names of their body parts- yes, the penis and vulva too
• That it is okay to touch all parts of their body – let them grab their vulva or penis at bath time or during nappy changes.
• Start pointing out the differences between boys and girls – boys have penises and girls have vulvas.
• Start talking about the functions of our body parts – urine comes out through your penis/vulva, poo comes out through your bottom/anus (and it is okay to use appropriate slang, just not all of the time).
• If they like being naked all the time, start introducing boundaries about nudity – there is a time and a place to be naked (and it isn’t at the park!).

It isn’t really sex education at this age. It is really just about letting your child explore their whole body and to start pointing out simple differences between boys and girls. When naming the parts of their bodies you can also include their penis or vulva and also talk about what they can do – ‘yes, that is your penis and urine comes out of there’

The end goal is for your child to be comfortable with their whole body and to see all parts as being equal (with no shame)

Older children (5-8 years)

Our bodies

• The correct names of the body parts and what they do.
• That boys and girls are different but are also the same – girls usually have a vulva, boys usually have a penis but we all have nipples/bottoms/noses/hands, etc.
• That our bodies are different and that is okay to be different.

Privacy

• That some parts of the body are private -these aren’t for the whole world to see.
• That there are private and public places and times – this one is a tricky one for kids to learn as it changes. For example, it might be okay for your child to be naked at home when their grandmother is visiting but not the plumber.
• To respect other people’s privacy. For example, if the bathroom door is closed, that they should knock and ask if they can come in.
• That they are entitled to privacy too – like when they go to the toilet, are in the bath or getting dressed.

Touching ourselves

• That it is okay to touch their penis or vulva but that there is a time and a place for it.
• If your child grabs their genitals when they are out socially, gently remind them that they need to keep their hands out of their pants. Don’t make a big fuss as they are doing it because it makes them feel more secure. Eventually they will outgrow it!

Babies

• That all living things reproduce- trees drop seeds, dogs have puppies and humans have babies. Slowly start pointing out examples of reproduction when you see it.
• A baby grows inside the woman – uterus or baby bag or even tummy and both a man and a woman are needed to make a baby.That a baby grows inside a woman. Keep it super simple – they only want basic concepts. The details come much later.
• If they want to know how the baby comes out, just explain that it comes out of the woman’s stomach or through her vagina.
• That making babies is for adults and not for kids to do. Get into the habit of reminding them of this, every time you talk about it.

Body ownership and touching

• That they are the boss of their body and have a right to say who can touch their body (you included).
• That it is not okay to hug or touch someone if they don’t want you to (and vice versa).
• That sometimes there are reasons for an adult to look at or touch their body, like a doctor or nurse.
• That we don’t keep secrets about our bodies.
• That they can always tell you about anything that makes them feel bad or funny.

Preschoolers are the easiest age to teach. They might need to be explained multiple times with patience.

Basically you want to set yourself as their number one source for information. By answering, you are giving your child the message that they can talk to you about anything .This is a good thing, especially once they start to have contact with other kids. If you are struggling with the words to use, there are some fantastic sex education books that you can use. They provide the information and are written in an age-appropriate way.

Middle childhood and teenagers (9-13 years)

Our bodies

• Know what words to use when talking about body parts (both boys and girls) – penis, testicles, scrotum, anus, vulva, labia, vagina, clitoris, uterus and ovaries.
• That bodies come in all different shapes, sizes and colours.
• Both boys and girls have body parts that may feel good when touched.
• To be able to look after their own body i.e. private parts, hair, teeth, skin, etc.
• To have refusal skills in place – ‘Stop, I don’t like that’.

Puberty

• That their bodies will change as they get older.
• That puberty is a time of physical and emotional change. If they want to know what changes, just talk about how this is the stage where they grow into an adult.

Sexual intercourse

• That a baby can happen when a man’s sperm joins a woman’s ovum and that it usually happens by sexual intercourse.A baby is made when sperm leave the man through his penis and go into the woman’s vagina. They then find their way to the place where the egg is. The egg and the sperm then join together, and grow into a baby.
• That adults have sex and that it’s a natural, normal and healthy part of life.
• That adults often kiss, hug, touch and engage in other sexual behaviours with one another to show caring for each other and to feel good.
• That sex is an adult activity and is not for kids.

Sexual behaviour

• Masturbation – some kids do and some don’t.
• That all sexual behaviour is private i.e. masturbation, sexual intercourse.
• That bodies can feel good when touched.
• Utmost importance should be given to cyber exploration. You also need to discuss with your child what they should do when they come across such images/ websites or requests on internet.
• Explain that there are different sexual orientations such as heterosexual, homosexual, and bisexual.

Personal skills

• Everyone has rights, kids too.
• It is okay to ask for help.
• Start practicing decision making around the home- all decisions have consequences, positive and negative
• Practice negotiation skills to resolve a problem or conflict.

I am hoping this might be of some help to satisfy the curious brains of little ones. Please feel free to message in case any help or counselling is needed. Also share any new or innovative question your kid had or a smart way how you scored on a difficult question.